


Let me be your wings

by mattieleaf



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: AU, Admiration, Caring!Tamaki, First Crush, Groupie!Tamaki, Love for Music, M/M, Rocker!Sougo, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Slight swearing, Song writing, consensual love, fluff yet pain, mention of depression and self-hate, music (theme), slight heavy language, will have lot of fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:54:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21805510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mattieleaf/pseuds/mattieleaf
Summary: 「Embracing these never-ending feelingsI must continue singingLet’s give loneliness a sound.」Tamaki could not quite comprehend all the feelings that flew through his body at this exact moment. Passion, strength, but…there was another lingering emotion too. He feltloneliness. Deep, shattering loneliness. Like a silent call for mercy.Thump thump. What was happening to him?Tamaki could not stop them from falling – these thick, hot tears that were running down his face all of a sudden. His music, his voice, his lyrics…everything hit him at once. He was overwhelmed. He was beingconsumedby this person.
Relationships: Ousaka Sougo/Yotsuba Tamaki
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	Let me be your wings

**Author's Note:**

> Total cliché TamaSou story ahoi~ (´ε｀；)  
> But this theme just would not leave my mind at all, so I had to get it out of my system.  
> And here we are now |･ω･｀)
> 
> I hope you will enjoy it nevertheless <3  
> And please carefully read the >Disclaimer< TwT
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> \- No English native speaker here - wording might be awkward  
> \- I took the song lyrics from »Monologue Note« (translation by captainjunta [twitter])  
> \- Sougo and Tamaki are both adults  
> \- Sougo has VERY low self-esteem and depressive traits - poor baby had to go through a lot  
> \- Fluff (and maybe a bit kinky stuff) will follow if I have time to write it (`•ω•´๑) ♡  
> \- Will have a happy end BECAUSE I NEED THEM TO BE HAPPY AFTER THE ANGST  
> \- I will add tags with every new chapter  
> \- Thoughts = sentences written in italic
> 
> Songs:  
> ☆ "Beside You" - Mariana's Trench  
> ☆ "Good to You" - Mariana's Trench  
> ☆ "Yours to Hold" - Skillet  
> ☆ "Tangled up in You" - Staind
> 
> Thank you so much for reading ☆*。★ﾟ*♪ヾ(☆ゝз・)ノ

Tamaki wasn't a passionate person. He did not have _this_ one hobby, or loved this certain kind of music or that kind of movie genre. He never felt _excitement_ or was looking forward to something. Except for everything related to King Pudding. But as far as his sister Aya was concerned, this did not count **at all**. She was calling him ‘a lost cause’ when it came to being compassionate about _anything_.

“Why don't you join a dance group, Nii-chan. You know, you are pretty good at it. It is such shame“, Aya sat down next to Tamaki on the couch, shoving her cellphone into his face, “look they are scouting at the moment! They are known even outside of Japan”

“Oi, Aya, put that outta my face, would ya? I am trying to _enjoy_ my pudding here”, Tamaki let out a pissed grunt, before letting go of his spoon to push his sister’s phone away, “No interest at all. I only dance for myself. Joining a group would be waaaaa~y too troublesome. Now gimme a break”

He let himself fall on the other side of the couch, took another bite of his pudding and closed his eyes. This should show Aya that he was done talking about this annoying topic _again_. Why couldn’t she just accept the fact that Tamaki was not interested in that stuff? He was going to university and on top of that he had to work part-time in a small café near Shinjuku station. His free time was already limited enough. Sleeping, eating, playing games and doing nothing were time-consuming hobbies after all. Oh, and sometimes, he did dance and sing along. For _himself_. For his own amusement. He could not be bothered to please other people with it.

 _What would I even gain from it? People these days are all so shallow. They don't see the person or their feelings behind the façade. It's all so superficial_.

Not that Tamaki was better than them. He only had a few friends from university, with whom he went out from time to time. He was not very close with them though and he was not interested in having a relationship at the moment too. All way too troublesome.

After he finished the pudding, he put the empty glass on the table in front of him, moved his body in a sleeping postion and yawned loudly. He could feel his mind doze off as his eyes grew heavier by the second. 

_Now a good afternoon nap~_

Tamaki's plans came to a rude halt though, as he was jolted out of his dreamland by a high shriek from his sister. 

“Aya, the shit?!?!?!”, he grumbled while sitting up straight on the couch again and shooting Aya one foul glance, “why are ya screaming like this?! Wanted to sleeee~p”

His sister’s eyes were fixated on her cellphone, one hand over her mouth to prevent another shriek from escaping her. Tamaki could see her fingers tremble a bit. Maybe something bad did happen?! For a moment he felt a slight rush of guilt spreading through his body for shouting at her.

“Aya? Everything okay? Sorry for raising my voice but don’t cha scream without warning”

Tamaki gently put his big hand on her head and ruffled her hair a bit. After a few more seconds of silence, Aya cautiously shook her head and put her hand down from her mouth.

“Sorry, Nii-chan. Everything is fine…it…is just that…”, she finally replied, her voice hardly above a whisper, “this young artist I told you **a lot** about?”

Tamaki had a blank look on his face – he had no freaking clue who his sister meant. 

“Nii-chan! Seriously?!”, Aya let out an exasperated sigh and pushed his hand off her head, “Nevermind then. This artist – who you apparently know nothing about – he participates in a joint-concert at the BLAZE Live House in Shinjuku this weekend. My friends said that there are still tickets left! We **need** to go!!” 

Her eyes sparkled, the pitch of her voice went up and she hugged her phone tightly. Tamaki on the other hand, thought that he was hearing things. That was her excuse for startling him in the first place?! A shitty concert of some backstreet artist?! And the chosen venue? The Blaze?! Shinjuku at night was not the right place for girls at Aya’s age. 

“Not gonna happen. You're too young for that. As your big brother, I'm responsible for keeping ya safe. And Shinjuku at night? Pffffft that's so **not** safe at all”, Tamaki snorted and crossed his arms over his chest. As if he would ever allow that. 

Aya would not take 'No' as an answer though. 

“Then you come with us, Nii-chan”

“E-Eh?!?! Why would I?”

“Because you promised me a favor for getting you the special King Pudding plush last week”

 _Shit_. He remembered saying that. Tamaki was so psyched up that he would have agreed to nearly anything in that moment. He could not really back up from his promises as well. If Tamaki took something seriously than it was his words. What a _bother_. 

He ran his finger’s through his hair while sighing heavily. His sister had outwitted him. He had to accept his fate.

“F-i-n-e. I’ll come with ya to that stinky concert. **But!** We’ll go home right afterwards. No exception, no complaints. Understood?”

From now on, he really had to overthink everything he would easily agree to do. Tamaki had to be more cautious. His precious free time was at stake.

Aya did not care at all about the fact that she had lured her big brother into a trap. She was just so happy and excited. And she _knew_ that Tamaki would enjoy this concert as well. She was his sister after all – she _knew_ his - mostly hidden - taste. 

“You won’t regret it, Nii-chan! This artist is **so** good. He plays the guitar like a god. And he writes his songs on his own and oh my gosh, his voice! Nii-chan, you have to closely listen to his voice. It flows through you and never ever leaves you again”

“Mhm…whatever. Just buy the tickets and remind me on the weekend that we've to leave the house. Now, if ya don’t mind, I’m sleepy. Night, Aya”

Tamaki let himself finally sink on the couch again, had a good yawn and closed his eyes. As if he would even care about this stupid artist and his voice. He surely was one of those boyband-like douchebags, who would sing about the love of their life and how they would not love them back. _UGH. Gag_.

“Nii-chan, you will surely fall for Sougo. I promise you that”

*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*×*

“Do we really have to stand _right_ in front of the stage?! People might think that I'm a desperate fan too. Aya pleeeee~ase”, Tamaki gruntled and threw his head back angrily, while putting both of his hands into the pockets of his jeans. 

Aya and her friends were so agitated that they queued up _way too early_ and therefore they were the first to go in. And that resulted in them standing in the first freaking row. Tamaki could touch anyone on the stage if he would want to. _Annoying_. 

_I could be at home, finishing my game. Instead I've to listen to some boyband-blot_.

“Nii-chan, shush. Trust me, you will like him too. And I know that face. He is not some stupid boyband-imitation. His genre is rock-alternative, okay?”, Aya poked him in the waist and smiled, “Give him a chance. And now, stop complaining~ The show will start soon”

Tamaki winced a bit at his sister’s surprise attack but relaxed soon after due to Aya’s sweet smile. She was really looking forward to the concert. As a good big brother, he had to make sure that she could enjoy herself to the fullest. 

“Fiiii~ne. I'll try to somehow appreciate the show~”

Before Tamaki could say anything else, the lights went out and a silhouette entered the stage. The whole concert room went silent. Nobody dared to say a word, to scream…to even breath.  
What was going on? How could someone who was not even visible, who did not even start to play or sing, have such an impact on a crowd?

Tamaki felt his pulse getting faster. This tension made the hair in his neck stand up and he had to take a few deep breaths. He could not understand the whole situation, but as he was looking at the people next to him, he gasped. Everybody seemed to be mesmerized, having the same look on their faces. The look of anticipation. 

The artist played the first chord of his song on his guitar. **_Thump. Thump._**

And then his voice hit Tamaki’s ears. No, it went further, it filled his whole body up, it pierced into his heart, into his soul, into his _everything_. 

He sang with such compassion, with such _need_. Every word hit Tamaki without warning. His whole body started to tremble, his head got dizzy and his palms were sweating. He could not wait any longer. It slowly drove him crazy. 

_I wanna see him. Let me see his face. Turn the freaking lights on---_

As if some greater force had heard his silent prayer, the lights of the room finally went on again and Tamaki could gaze at him. There he was, right in front of him. His black guitar around his lower body, his fingers skillfully plucking the strings as if they would be his life force and his face…was that even allowed?

He had to pinch himself to make sure he had not accidentally died in this crowded hall. Tamaki could have sworn that he saw an angel. Sougo was just way too beautiful. His silver hair danced as he was singing with everything he had. His lilac eyes closed and opened with every emotion he wanted to get across.

Tamaki on the other hand could not quite comprehend all the conveyed feelings that flew through his body at this exact moment. Passion, strength, kindness, but…there was another lingering emotion too. He felt _loneliness_. Deep, shattering loneliness. Like a silent call for mercy. 

After closing his eyes and letting himself fall even more into Sougo’s music, Tamaki finally could understand it clearly. The love for music. The love for bringing songs to life. To tell a story, to make other people experience it too. Sougo wanted to make a difference, he wanted his music to be remembered. **He** wanted people to remember him. _Please do not forget that I existed. Please just once, touch me. Please don’t hate me for being myself_. Tamaki could feel it all. Feel it all at once. And he felt surprisingly connected to him. As if he could conceive it all, as if he knew exactly what Sougo wanted to say with each and every word, with each guitar chord, which each pitch of his voice. Was _this_ the truth?

 ** _Thump. Thump._** What was happening to him?

He just could not stop them from falling – these thick, hot tears that were running down his face all of a sudden. His music, his voice, his lyrics…everything hit him at once. He was overwhelmed. He was being _consumed_ by this person.

And suddenly, their eyes met. For a split second. For such a short moment that no one else would have realized it. But both of them did. 

Sougo saw this boy clearly. He saw his pained expression, the tears that were falling down his gorgeous face and that one hand firmly gripping his shirt. Would it be possible---? Did someone finally understand the ulterior meaning---? No. He was not allowed to indulge in it now. He had to focus, he had to give his _everything_. 

Sougo broke the eye contact and prepared his mind for the last chorus. Nothing else mattered. Only his music. His only way to express himself. The only way to be _himself_. 

“So…lonely…”, Tamaki whispered to himself, increasing the still persistent grasp of his fingers. His heart was being crushed. He only wanted to hold Sougo, to help him through, to show him his true worth. How could a total stranger made him feel like this? Through one song?! This was another level of dipshit crazy. His mind was in constant disarray.

_Maybe I can think straight again when the song's over? But…I don’t want it to be over---_

**What.** What was that sentiment?! Did Tamaki really _enjoy_ something apart from King Pudding and dancing? Was something or rather _someone_ else able to make his heart skip a beat?  


But eventually the song had to end. Unfortunately, sooner than later. The crowd went wild. Cheers from every corner of the room. People screamed for more, whistling and clapping their hands. 

Tamaki had to gasp for air as he finally let to of his shirt. The grip on his heart still remained though. He was losing himself into his own thoughts. 

Only _his_ voice could safe him from drowning. Tamaki needed to be dragged back to reality.

After Sougo took a long breath, he shouted in the microphone, “Thank you so much for listening to my song!! Thank you, I---“. He had to pause for a moment. All those feelings were pushing him down – trying to break him. Why were they so heavy?!

“Ahaha, I am sorry. I am just so overwhelmed. You guys are the best!! Hope to see you again, soon. Thank you!!”, Sougo waved a few times and chuckled. A smile spread across his face.

 ** _No._** This smile was not honest. It hurt Tamaki. It hurt him deep inside. It made his skin crawl. Sougo tried to hide his broken soul behind it. 

_Stop it. Stop pretending. Stop punishing yourself. Show me your true self._

“I wanna see the real you” 

Tamaki stopped himself for screaming it out loud – this message was only for Sougo. So instead he stared right at him – only him – and said it with a reedy voice. And he swore that he saw Sougo wince at this allusion. He _definitely_ had heard Tamaki. 

But Sougo did not dare to look at him again. He only switched the position of his guitar to his back and bowed one last time, before leaving the stage. Did his ears play tricks on him? Or did this boy really demand to see the _real_ him. No. Who would even want to bother with the real him? He was ugly. So ugly inside. So rotten to the core. He deserved to cease to exist.

Tamaki's eyes followed Sougo as he slowly made his way backstage and out of sight. The blue-haired boy was a mess, he felt tongue-tied. Thousands thoughts were running through his head, but he could speak none out loud. His emotions were on a rollercoaster and his heart was unavoidably doomed. Tamaki did not know that such a thing was possible. Being enchanted by one song. Being swayed by only a voice. Feeling attached to someone, he did not even know. Feeling the urge to see him again, to ease his pain, to help him heal, to make him whole again. To show him how utterly beautiful he truly was.

“His pain is so suffocating…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tamaki is just so overwhelmed by Sougo and his music (ノAヽ)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading the first chapter and I hope you enjoyed giddy Tamaki (｀ω´)  
> And I hope I could get the intended feelings across TwT
> 
> ☆ Chapter Titel: "What if I was nothing" - All that remains 🎵


End file.
